Rhubarb – It’s Time to End the Conspiracy

It’s almost that time of year – summer! Strawberries, asparagus, corn on the cob, peaches, oh, and of course, their awkward cousin, (you know, who makes everyone laugh a little uncomfortably while avoiding eye contact): rhubarb.

Seems innocuous enough - don't be fooled.
Seems innocuous enough – don’t be fooled.

Before this time of seasonal enticement begins, I’d like to get ahead of the inevitable propaganda that comes along with it. Why are we all still pretending that rhubarb is delicious? I have a theory. Someone put it in a pie by accident and no one wanted to hurt their feelings. Kind of like The Emperor’s New Clothes, but with dessert.

Rhubarb can’t stand on its own. Somewhere along the line someone thought, “Hey, strawberries are just too sweet and delicious, let’s add just a smidge of bitter and stringy stalk bits – oh, perfect!” Rhubarb is Strawberry’s longstanding friend that poor Strawberry just can’t shake. They both know it’s time to move their separate ways, but clingy Rhubarb just doesn’t take the hint. Strawberry knows he’d be better off solo, but doesn’t know how to break it to Rhubarb.

The enemy within
The enemy within

This cover-up in modern cuisine is everywhere and social media is the biggest tool in this propaganda machine. Yes, Facebook, I’m talking about you.

“I just made the YUMMIEST rhubarb muffins.” Nope, ‘rhubarb’ and ‘yummiest’ are mutually exclusive.

“Check out this strawberry rhubarb cookies – SO good.” Stop dragging strawberry into this.

“Oooh, rhubarb coffee cake for dessert – can’t wait!” Liar.

Deception in a jar
Deception in a jar

Now, you might be thinking that I have it out for rhubarb, and you’re right, I do. But let me close with these two indisputable facts and then you can decide which side to support.

1.  Rhubarb is a vegetable. (yup, I looked it up)

2.  Rhubarb is a result of the fall:  “Cursed is the ground because of you; through painful toil you will eat food from it all the days of your life. It will produce thorns and thistles and rhubarb for you.”  Genesis 3:17b-18

 I rest my case.

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Author: Jan Moyer

Embracing my inner child since 2005.

21 thoughts on “Rhubarb – It’s Time to End the Conspiracy”

  1. I didn’t know this was still being debated. People: we have grocery stores now. Give up the rhubarbs, rutabagas and okra. Get some frozen pizza and / or make nachos. Shame on you.

  2. Sure it’s sold in grocery stores…but only in season…By the way, Janice, what translation of the Bible are you using? Wonder what rhubarb is in Hebrew or Greek? Sorry, I’m a rhubarb fan…with (lots of) sugar added of course…not raw, though…even sour fans have their limits. How do you feel about grapefruit and lemons?

    1. Why the NAMV, of course (Newly Adapated Moyer Version). Grapefruit is only useful for giving to little kids for our own entertainment (as are droopjes). Lemons are ok in my books.

  3. The Joker once said, “Never rub another man’s rhubarb.” I don’t have a fat clue what that means and I don’t eat rhubarb. Thanks for the laugh today.

  4. Oh my! This is hilarious! Your blog popped up in my “Related Content” while I was drafting a Strawberry Rhubarb pie recipe. While I love me some strawberry rhubarb pie, I. Couldn’t. Stop. Laughing! I would love to link this in my post and share the smiles, if that’s o.k. with you.

    Also, I love everything else about your blog. I’m not a mommy (yet!), but I definitely have some of my mom’s tendencies. Thanks for the wonderful posts!

  5. I gotta tell ya, I love rhubarb and it doesn’t need any strawberries with it either. When I was growing up, my siblings and I used to eat it raw, straight out of the garden. It’s one of the things I miss most about no longer living in the midwest cause it doesn’t grow in the desert.

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