Parents give a lot of unsolicited advice:
Maybe you should wear a coat.
Underwear goes on first.
If you do your homework now, you can forget about it for the whole weekend.
Just pretend you don’t want that (insert coveted toy) and he’ll let you have it.
Parents also give gentle reminders:
Company is coming, put on some pants.
Don’t lick the boot tray.
Doors are not for licking.
Parents make “Cause and Effect” statements:
If you lick me, then wrestling is over.
If you ask again, no Wii for the day.
If he makes that sound, he wants you to stop.
We’ve been in this parenting thing for about eight years now. I have uttered and witnessed many such parenting statements (I had no idea so many would be about licking). Perhaps the most lengthy yet poignant one is this gem:
Well, maybe you wouldn’t have pink eye if you had listened to me and not bounced your super bouncy ball in the washroom where it landed in the urinal. And maybe putting it in your eye and saying, “Hey! I’m a pirate” right after wasn’t your best move, either.
– Bearded Husband, June 2013.
What is the strangest thing you’ve said to your kids? (extra points if it includes licking).