36 Reasons I’m Late for Everything

Once upon a time I was a punctual person. Actually, I mostly still am. Okay, sometimes. Alright, alright, occasionally I arrive on time or even a smidge early. But it’s not my fault. No, really, it’s not.

I have thirty-six reasons to prove my innocence.

36 Reasons I’m Late for Everything

1. Toddler needs help putting his coat on
2. His sleeves are bunchy
3. Decides he doesn’t need his coat
4. He does need help taking it off
5. Actually, a coat sounds like a good idea
6. They’re bunchy again
7. Zipper won’t go up
8. Zipper is too high
9. Too low
10. Too high
11. I didn’t let him do it himself
12. He can’t do it himself
13. Too low
14. His socks feel “scrunchy”
15. His shoes are too loose
16. Too tight
17. One is too loose, the other is still too tight
18. I didn’t let him open the front door
19. He needs to close it and open it again
20. Twice
21. Forgot his water bottle
22. He doesn’t want to wait outside
23. He can open the door himself, remember?
24. He can’t open the door himself
25. He’s doing the Potty Dance
26. He denies needing to pee
27. Still denying…
28. Under threat of no gum again ever, agrees to use the potty
29. I didn’t let him “see it” before flushing
30. Needs to get the soap himself
31. I didn’t let him open the door. Again.
32. He can’t do it himself
33. Actually, he doesn’t need a coat
34. Forget that, he does
35. WHAT IS WITH THE SLEEVES AND ALL THE BUNCHING?
36. I’m the worst

    

Author: Jan Moyer

Embracing my inner child since 2005. View all posts by Jan Moyer