Once upon a time I was a punctual person. Actually, I mostly still am. Okay, sometimes. Alright, alright, occasionally I arrive on time or even a smidge early. But it’s not my fault. No, really, it’s not.
I have thirty-six reasons to prove my innocence.
36 Reasons I’m Late for Everything
- Toddler needs help putting his coat on
- His sleeves are bunchy
- Decides he doesn’t need his coat
- He does need help taking it off
- Actually, a coat sounds like a good idea
- They’re bunchy again
- Zipper won’t go up
- Zipper is too high
- Too low
- Too high
- I didn’t let him do it himself
- He can’t do it himself
- Too low
- His socks feel “scrunchy”
- His shoes are too loose
- Too tight
- One is too loose, the other is still too tight
- I didn’t let him open the front door
- He needs to close it and open it again
- Twice
- Forgot his water bottle
- He doesn’t want to wait outside
- He can open the door himself, remember?
- He can’t open the door himself
- He’s doing the Potty Dance
- He denies needing to pee
- Still denying…
- Under threat of no gum again ever, agrees to use the potty
- I didn’t let him “see it” before flushing
- Needs to get the soap himself
- I didn’t let him open the door. Again.
- He can’t do it himself
- Actually, he doesn’t need a coat
- Forget that, he does
- WHAT IS WITH THE SLEEVES AND ALL THE BUNCHING?
- I’m the worst