I’m currently sporting bruises and scrapes in numerous places all over my body: arms, shins, wrists, bum. You will not believe how I got them.
The boys and I were playing at the park the other day. It was gorgeous weather, just the perfect temperature to be outside. We’d brought snacks along and intended to make the most of the morning. Suddenly, out of nowhere comes this little boy we’ve never seen before on one of those battery-operated Jeeps for
“It won’t stop! Make it stop” he screamed.
A good deal farther back was his very pregnant mom who was doing her best to catch him, but the odds were not in her favour.
My instincts kicked in immediately and I swiftly dismounted from the monkey bars, quite smoothly except for grazing my left forearm against the support railing. I didn’t feel a thing because when you’re being a hero, you ignore all pain. I hurdled over the springy airplane riding feature, banging my shin in the process. I dashed to the pathway and the run-away motorist.
Have you ever tried to stop one of those mini-Jeeps? Neither had I. He was moving at a good clip, but I caught up and was running alongside him.
“Press the brake! The brake!” I shouted.
“I AM, it’s not working!”
I grabbed the back to make it slow down, but that kid clearly had cruise control locked on “fast”. He was heading towards a hill which could have been advantageous except it was on a decline. With little time to think, I did what any hero would do: I jumped in front and stopped that Jeep with my own body.
Everyone at the park dashed over, clapping and cheering. Eventually his mom caught up to us and through tears of relief thanked me for intervening.
It was unbelievable. And I have the bruises to prove it. Unbelievable I tell you.
Like out of a made-for -TV movie.
Alright, alright. I wish I had an amazing story to explain all my recent injuries, but sadly, I do not.
Are you ready for the real story?
We were biking down the street and out of nowhere a baby stroller came careening down a driveway. I jumped off my bike, remembering to put the kickstand down first, and bolted —-
Alright, that’s not what happened, either.
Fine, the truth. I was washing the front windows and heard a cat meowing plaintively across the street on the neighbour’s roof. A vicious, probably rabid, racoon had it cornered. I threw down my washcloths and sprinted over, dodging several cars on my way —
We were playing Smurf Tag at the park and I slipped on the mulch, scraping my shin in the process (couldn’t shave for three days while it healed).
The bruise on my bum and the scrape on my right arm were due to falling off a stationary scooter. I wasn’t even moving.
Finally, we were playing Canadian Ninja Warrior Tag at a different park and as I tried to elude Bearded Husband (the boys were playing, too, settle down) I slipped on the wooden railing, banging my left forearm, right shin (again) and the back of my right knee.
Nothing glamourous about those injuries, but I did live to tell the tale.
Best injury story you’ve got – let’s hear it.
*If you’d like to read a true and entertaining injury story, check this post “Told You So” by Amanda over at http://www.mandiemarie.com – I like to call it “Line Drive of Doom”.
11 thoughts on “I Can Be Your Hero, Baby”
I have a clear scar on my forehead, because once I thought it would be funny to have a snowball fight with little stones. I lost. It’s not that funny.
Maybe it wasn’t funny then, but it’s pretty funny now. Thanks for sharing.
I was riding a 4 wheeler on Mother’s Day 1997. I looked one way and the 4 wheeler went off a 50 foot bank. I jumped off and rolled to the bottom. I was banged up beyond just a little bit.
That sounds unbelievable! Is it? Is it unbelievable, Larry?
That is a true story. I was 1 1/2 miles in the woods by myself and had to walk out. It was stupid and crazy.
Thanks for sharing.
Had a friend who got hit by a city bus. Knocked him 50 feet. Completely unhurt except for his ear, which sported an unnecessarily large bandage. He was ticked that he didn’t have anything more impressive to show for it.
He could have worn a sling for a few days. If you want sympathy, commit to the role of victim.
I just want you to know that you had me hook, line and sinker with that first story. I totally believed you.
Feeling very proud and smug right now.