How to Eat Chips like A Spy

You know there are chips in the cupboard. Delicious chips. So crispy and flavourful. You should probably share them with the other five members of your family, but four of them are in bed and one is out for a bike ride. Wondering what to do? Wonder no more! Here’s your Guide to Eating Chips Like a Spy.

Step 1: Select your salty snack (I recommend Sour Cream and Onion, but the choice is yours). Be warned: you cannot pull off this mission with a bag of chips.

Spies only eat chips in a can. Brand of choice: Pringles.
Spies only eat chips in a can. Brand of choice: Pringles.

Step 2. Do NOT remove the safety seal. This is KEY, just peel it back far enough to fit your hand.

Seal removed = mission twarted.
Seal removed = mission thwarted.

Step 3: Eat chips. But crunch quietly. If you get a curtain call from any small children who should be in bed, deny any chip smell on your breath. Repeat after me, “Weird, I guess sometimes apples smell like chips.”

Step 4: Do not, do NOT finish all the chips. Leave some in the can. This provides you with plausibly deniability.

"Hmmm....I'm not sure who finished the can."
“Hmmm….I certainly did not finish the can.”

Step 5: Keep in mind that this technique should be used sparingly, or someone will catch on. Save it for desperate times or special celebrations, like emptying the dishwasher and finding no rejects.

What snack tricks do you have? Be honest, I know you have one.

Author: Jan Moyer

Embracing my inner child since 2005.

11 thoughts on “How to Eat Chips like A Spy”

  1. My wife and I once wanted to make milkshakes after the kids went to bed. I usually make Amish shakes by mixing milk and ice cream and stirring, but my wife wanted to use the mixer. So we hauled the mixer down to the basement (kitchen is too close to the bedrooms). We pondered how we were going to clean it, but would worry about that later.

    After the shakes were made, we discovered that the bottom connector had basically melted and was no longer usable. The whole machine broke and we could just throw it away! No cleaning needed!

    1. A dislike of SunChips, branding them as grown up chips, can be cultivated in children. If you are successful, then Mommy can snack on her “Mommy” chips as much as she wants with no children stealing them. As a side bonus, while eating Mommy chips, you can give the kids Freeze Pops or whatever brand of frozen colored sugar in a tube your kids like and send them outside to eat them because “these are too messy for inside”. Chips and quite time. I am no rookie 🙂

  2. But wait . . . doesn’t sharing this secret defeat the purpose? Won’t the bike rider know what you do when you are home?

  3. When you’re sent to the grocery store 4 times in one evening, don’t get mad. Get even by buying snacks only you want but are usually denied by your spouse and hide them in your trunk and then take them to work.

    “mission twarted” – funnier than you intended, I’m sure.

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