It has been my privilege to spend another school year in kindergarten. Teaching, that is. As our staff wraps up another busy year we are gathering reflections, quotes, and other magical moments that have made these past nine months memorable. I was digging through old tweets and posts and was struck by the ridiculous, hilarious and disgusting things that happen on any given day in kindergarten.
Obviously, I had to share.
Kindergarten Convos
Kindie: “Is this ‘O Canada’?”
Me: “No, Elton John.”
Me: “Did you flush?”
Kindie: “No, you gotta see it.”
Kindie: “My letter jar is at home.”
Me: “Oh, will you fill it with your mom and bring it back?”
Kindie: “No, she won’t fit inside.”
Me: “Friends, we don’t put play-doh in our ear.”
Kindie: “It’s not play-doh, it’s paper.”
Me: “I like your shirt – do you know where you bought it?”
Kindie: “Where?”
Me: “I’m asking you.”
Kindie: “Yup.”
Kindie: “Guess what!”
Me: “What?”
Kindie: “Sometimes my dad takes his phone with him into the bathroom.”
In the computer lab…
Me: “Would you like to go to starfall or tvokids?”
Kindie: “Batman.”
Me: “Stop pushing.”
Kindie: “You look beautiful.”
Me: “Carry on.”
Kindie: “Why is he wearing lipstick?”
Teacher: “He’s not, he licked the metal window ledge. It’s blood.”
Me: “What do you notice about the parachute?”
Kindie:”My headband is purple.”
Me: “I smell something pretty stinky in here.”
Kindie: “Maybe someone was smoking.”
Me: “No one is more important just because they get to the library first.”
Kindie: “Except Jesus.”
Me: “Alright. Except Jesus.”
Kindie: “My back has these sharp things.”
Me: “Yes, that’s your spine.”
Kindie: “It smells good in here.”
Me: “It must be me.”
Kindie: “No.”
Me: “Did you just eat a really red snack?”
Kindie: “No.”
Me: “Did you get some new red lipstick?”
(pause)
(longer pause)
Kindie: “Yes.”
Kindie: “We made a pretend TV at the blocks and she keeps turning it off!”
Me: “Couldn’t you just pretend it’s still on?”
Me: “Why do you think there is a Skyjack at school today?”
Kindie: “We don’t hit… or kick.”
Kindie: “He spit at me”
Me: “What happened right before that?”
Kindie: “I came and told you about it.”
(Lesson on sequencing of events followed)
Me (during story): “What do you think Rabbit is planning?”
Kindie: “My toes keep growing bigger.”
Me: “Friends, what special day is Sunday?”
Kindie 1: “Swimming lessons!”
Kindie 2: “No school!”
Kindie 3: “Church!”
Kindie 4: “Thanksmothers Day!”
Teacher: “What rhymes with cat?”
Kindie: “I know! Shat!”
(Recruited the help of a classmate to help communicate with a new kindie)
Me: “How do you say ‘cow’ in Arabic?”
Student: “Cow in Arabic.”
(During a lesson on Canadian coins)
Me: “Who is that person whose face is on every coin?”
Kindie: “Jesus.”
Life Lessons From The Young
“Sometimes I miss my mom but then I just suck it up. Like a buttercup.”
“If you get flushed down a toilet you won’t come out.”
“I took ten dollars from my brother, but it’s okay because I said ‘April Fools!'”
“Maybe those tadpoles are just sleeping…or having a Code Red.”
“Yeah, God wears underwear.”
“You can live without a head, my dad said so.”
“I eat Ontarios for breakfast.”
Yes, I Said That
“You’re either are an elf OR Rudolph, but not both. Make a choice.”
“Put your book in your backpack, then I’ll watch you whip and nae nae.”
“You’re still the line leader even if you don’t say it ten times.”
“We glue paper, not friends.”
“We don’t use the salad tongs on our friend’s eyeball.”
“There’s no teeth involved in kissing.”
“Maybe you could have warned me you had licked your necklace before you asked for help putting it on.”
“How about next time you let that fart cloud dissipate a bit before calling me over for help?”
“Whose kitten and hamburger picture is this?”
“Putting marbles on your eyeballs is not a learning centre.”
“Help tidy up, it’s what dead Fishy would want.”
________
Is Kindergarten the most magical place on earth? Possibly. It has its ups and downs and can leave you exhausted. But only in kindergarten will a five-year-old slide you a note and tell you it says “I am leaving early today for a meeting with my investors.”
Tough Bananas 