Greetings from Canada, Mr. Kellogg!
You have some fans up here in the chilly north. Big fans. We really like your cereal. Not Corn Flakes. Yes, I realize that is the flagship cereal, but come on, it’s pretty bland. And Mini-Wheats is a bit of a toss-up for taste, but you get credit for trying to keep us all healthy.
I would also like to give you credit for correcting some of your questionable choices. My research indicates that at one point you produced Bart Simpson No Problem-Os and they are no longer on store shelves. Wise move. And while you do get points for trying, I commend you for discontinuing the Mr. Ts Muscle Crunch.
Lest you think my motivation is only to criticize, I will reveal my true purpose for writing to you.
Cracklin’ Oat Bran.
Three simple words (one slightly abbreviated I presume for the sake of whimsy – good one, marketing team) that would make Canadians so happy.
This sweet, crunchy deliciousness in a bowl can only be procured in the United States of America. It has now been added to the ever-growing list of food selections denied tax-paying, free-health-care-loving, apologetic Canadians.
Why, Dr. Kellogg, why? Are we not worthy of oats with a hint of coconut? Do our colons not deserve the 25% of our daily fibre? We would like the option of starting our day with the joy of eating distinctly shaped ‘O’s. WE WANT OUR TOUCH OF CINNAMON.
I long to see your crunchy, sweet, oven-baked product on our shelves, complete with both French and English languages. I will even help with the translation. Please, Dr. Kellogg, for the children. Si vous plait.
Listen, if you don’t feel that marketing COB to the Great White North is a viable option, I can support that – we are a very easy-going people. I can send you my mailing information and you can send me a private supply. No one else needs to know. Canadians are also very non-judgemental and can keep a secret.
You have the reputation of being both an industrialist and a philanthropist giving me hope that the lack of COB in our country is just an oversight soon to be corrected. Thank you for your consideration. I have faith in you.
*if you are wondering why there is no milk in the bowl, all will explained here.
8 thoughts on “Dear Mr. Kellogg”
I’m pretty sure you can find dog treats that have the same shape/texture.
Fool me once…
Once upon a time Cracklin’ Bran was available here in the Great White North. All time favourite. Bring it back, Dr. Kellogg. Where’s the petition? I will sign anything that will help return the cinnamony coconutty goodness to our wholesome Canadian homes and breakfast tables. ‘O’ Canada!
What?! And I missed that. Drafting a petition now.
I don’t know why Cracklin’ Oat Bran is good. Nobody knows why it’s good. If you think you know why it’s good, you’re lying to yourself. It shouldn’t be good.
BUT IT IS.
Unexplained deliciousness is the best kind.
Well said Jan Moyer! I couldn’t agree more. Let me add my voice to your campaign. Looked on Amazon.ca – ~$150 for 10 boxes! So sad. I’m on my last box from the States too. I’m afraid to open it – feels like the beginning of the end.
Loving cereal shouldn’t hurt.