I blew it.
Again.
Every day I wake up and tell myself to make the most of the day. To be patient. To be understanding. To be the parent our boys deserve.
Some days I hit a home run. I engage, create, play, listen, comfort, and console. Those days I tuck them in at night and feel content and hopeful. Hopeful that I’m doing this whole parenting thing right. Hopeful that this day’s good will spill over into the next one, and the next, and maybe even the day after that.
But the next day there are shortened tempers, tattling, demands for favourite pants that are still wet from the washing machine. But I cling to the good from yesterday and dig in deeper to make it return. But this day there are battles over diggers, refusals to put on socks, back talk over packing vegetables in their lunches.
There’s still hope to turn this day around before yesterday’s good slips away completely. I take a deep breath and remind myself that they are young and selfish and sometimes just jerks. I need to model patience and compassion, tolerance and forgiveness.
He’s giving you a message, are you listening? He’s asking for that back, talk it out.
I feel yesterday’s good seeping out via yelling and slamming and stomping and then finally realize that I am doing it, too.
Don’t talk to me that way! STOP IT. STOP. IT. I WON’T HAVE IT.
My hand comes crashing down on the countertop for emphasis.
Emphasis? Or just frustration? Anger? It is anger.
Anger that they are cruel to each other. Anger that they deliberately set each other off. And anger at myself for losing control of my temper – the very thing I try every day to instil in their young personas.
I blew it.
Again.
We talk it out and we try to smooth over the powerful emotions. Apologies are offered and forgiveness received. But yesterday’s good is long gone – there’s nothing reserved for today. Today we start from scratch.
A friend texts and I share the struggles of the morning. I’m getting better at that, the sharing of the real stuff. Admitting that sometimes parenting is difficult makes you vulnerable, but I’m learning that I can’t do it on my own. I can’t even do this with just my husband. I need to be honest with my friends and let them be part of the funny anecdotes and the uglier moments.
I blew it.
Again.
This day I tuck our boys into bed and whisper into their hair how much I love them and I get a giant squeeze around my neck. There it is, I can see it – tomorrow. Tomorrow is a new day, full of good.
————
Thank you, friends who walk this path of parenting that is both terrifying and joyful all at once. I could not do it without you.
Tough Bananas 
Being not-a-parent, I feel like I learn a lot from my friends that ARE parents. You know, should I one day be one myself.
Seeing the good AND the not-so-good moments is so valuable!
Tomorrow, you start from scratch…don’t be so hard on yourself. We all feel that way from time to time. 🙂 {HUGS}
I feel like I have read a day in my life. Thank you for sharing, it is nice to know that I am not alone 😉 You are a great mom and you are right tomorrow is going to be great!!
We’re all in this together, right?
Oh those days are hard. And why do they always follow the awesome days? But still at the end of the day, those boys know mommy loves them most, even if she’s grumpy:) Keep staining for the best. Right there with you!
Thanks, Kim. Thankfully the good days outmeasure the bad ones (most of the time).
love and frustration, they so often coincide.
yes, best to share, confide, commiserate and also celebrate 🙂
Absolutely.
It’s your authenticity that I love the most Moyer.
There were many days here when I was so relieved there was no video or audio recording of events! We had some real doozies! (In this house, the worst ages for junior were 2-4 and 12-14, the latter corresponding to the onset of pre-menopause for me!) Famous quotes include: “you have an anger managemention problem”…”Yeah, well, so do you!”…”Well, at least I admit it!” And I only had one to raise! But now my 18-year-old is a mature young man who knows how to forgive and ask for forgiveness because the relationship is more important to him than perfection. And to me too.
Thank you for this.
Make that “anger management problem”!
Good stuff.
Thanks, Amie. Took me a few weeks to get the words out.
Jan, I think you already know I am so far from perfect after reading about my day yesterday. Trust me, when I say you aren’t alone and as I was reading this could relate in spades. Thank you for being so honest here and again being a parent is definitely not easy by any means and think we just do the best we can on any given day. And some days are winners and some not so much. Just is what it is.
Making mistakes is human and children need to learn that. The way we behave after the dust settles is an important lesson they will need in the years to come when hormones and emotions make that say and do things they regret,
So true – definitely important to model that, too.
Thanks for dropping by.
I always wanted kids, but it just never happened for me. But I really think God knows what he’s doing, haha, because I don’t have the calm and patience to handle well all that kid growing pain emotion and drama. But you do way more often than not. Clearly you are not unconsciously parenting as too many people do. You are paying attention, intentional about how you raise your sons.
The thing to remember is they won’t remember. Not these off days sprinkled throughout their childhood. They will have an overall memory, a broad sense of who you were as a mother. And they’ll have the values, morals, coping skills and life attitudes that prove when they are men that you did a good job when they were little boys.
Michelle, thanks. Your affirmation means a lot.
I don’t keep in very good touch, but that doesn’t mean I don’t think you’re the bomb. 🙂
I think this is super relatable- parent or not. “Tomorrow is a new day, full of good.” We all need that promise- I know I’m thankful for it! Thanks for your Transparency, Jan.
Glad you stopped by, Stephen – thanks for the encouragement.
You were there when your kids needed you. You cared enough to wash their clothes and you care enough about them to be angry that they are mean to each other. That’s not blowing it. That’s being a good parent. Blowing it would be not caring that they fight and are mean to each other. Not caring if they have clean clothes to wear. Anger is okay. It’s a part of life. Cut yourself some slack. And definitely reach out to friends and other parents, we’re all going through the same things. I find that those moments where everything seems to go wrong, are quickly forgotten by the kids and don’t necessarily have to define the entire day. Each hour is a new ‘start from scratch’ moment. Thank you for your honesty. We’d all benefit from more of that from each other.
Thanks, Brian.
Forgot to say that Suzie sent me.
I really like the honesty in your post. I also remember the humiliation that comes when we aren’t the parent we want to be. Thank God they give us hundreds of chances, a million do-overs!
Thank you. Do-overs are essential, right?
yep-the beauty of life and those we love, who love us.
OH, BTW, Susie sent me.
Susie sent me over. Wow, what honesty. Parenting is the hardest thing I’ve ever done, but also the most rewarding. Every day is a chance for us to be better at it than we were the day before. 🙂
Absolutely – thanks for dropping by.
I’m embarrassed to say that when I stopped by last week, I was in too big a hurry to leave a comment. At least, that’s what I told myself. But really, it was that I remember that day. THOSE days. And sure, it’s easy to say that it will get better, that there are lots more days to come and the scales will tip them into the “good” side soon enough. Looking back, I realize that we made horrible mistakes with Child #1. (I’ve told her she was like the scratch pancake, that you cook up just to see if you’ve got the griddle right.) All those lame theories we tried out on her, those stupid parenting mistakes, those times we weren’t the parents we really meant to be—and amazingly, she turned out not just fine but fabulous. By Child #4, I realized the truth. They will ALL learn to use the toilet, read, and drive a car. The main thing I need to give them is an unshakeable belief that I’ll love them whenever and however they get around to mastering those skills—no matter how often I want to put them up for adoption in the process.
Thank you for a beautiful reminder of what it was like. The truth is that it couldn’t possible get any better, but somehow it keeps doing just that.
Okay, that’s me done. Back to Susie’s for more dancing and maybe a cranberry margarita. Give your little angels a kiss for me and come along!
Love this, thanks for coming back to share.
I was once a young mother and it was difficult. people have no idea how demanding, yet rewarding the job is. Thank you for taking the time to comment on my blog and sending you much love.
Thanks for visiting and the encouragement.
It can be tough. One time, I let my children see me cry. So what if I sort of faked it. They asked me what was wrong and I told them they were being mean to me. Whoa! The empathy came in bucket loads. I found that moment to be instrumental in the days forward. I always remembered that day and so did they!
Thanks for bringing this to the party. Have fun clicking on links and mingling with the guests. Tell them, “Susie sent me,” and they should click back here!
Came back to visit since you came to see me as part of Susie’s party. Happy Wednesday! 🙂
Thanks for the visit and the share.
You got it. Spreading the blog love is what I do. 🙂
Oh sweet sister! I can relate! I just wrote about this not too long ago {“Button My Lips!”}. I wish I could tell you it get’s easier but the teen years have been years of refining for me. What I can tell you is that HE is able, HE is always there and yes…tomorrow comes again. Love your transparency! Thanks for participating in Inspire Me Monday!
Thanks for stopping by – we’re all in this together.
Thanks for sharing honestly. It helps everyone when we tell the truth about family relationships ~ the good, the bad and the ugly. We are all broken…it’s just a miracle any of us can live together on a daily basis. Our seeds are grown, and it was hard living through the growing. We didn’t do it near perfect, but we cried out to God for help and He made up for our mistakes.
Keep going…keep crying out to God and keep relying on Him to make it all work together for good!
Thank you for your honesty here Jan, walking out this parenting thing is quite an exercise in humility, total dependence on God and realizing we are not in control, really. I’m so thankful to be able to recognize and apologize for my times of blowing it and for their forgiveness. They really are remarkable little beings aren’t they? You are not alone and thank you for letting me know I am not alone too.
So true. Thanks, Karen.
That’s the beauty of tomorrow, always a chance to improve.
Right? Exactly.
Parenting is NOT easy. How wonderful that God gives us grace for each moment–even when we blow it. I offer and ask for do-overs with my girls. It certainly helps reset the mood and we can then repeat the scene with a lighter heart and a more forgiving spirit.
Absolutely. And I think it’s good for them to see us go through that regrouping process.
Thanks for dropping by.
Reblogged this on Tough Bananas and commented:
We are further along in our parenting journey, but it still has its hard days. I still blow it.
Same! I am the best parent and the absolute worst on any given day.