Charmin: Stop it.

When I was young the biggest concern surrounding toilet paper was trying to squeeze it without Mr. Whipple catching you.

And that’s how we liked it.

Charmin, I feel like you need a friend. A real friend who will tell you the hard truths. You have spinach in your teeth. Yes, that outfit does make your bum look big. No, you can’t pull off that perm. Hon, that sweater just needs to go.

That friend.

So I’m telling you: stop it.

People don’t want to talk about toilet paper or what they want from their TP. Did they just talk about “skid marks” in that last commercial?! Yes, yes they did. 

Here’s the most anyone ever wants to say about toilet paper. I made a list for easy reference:

1. We need more toilet paper

Vague references to “softness” and “absorbant” without really getting into the nitty-gritty details of toilet paper and its role in our lives, that’s what the masses want. All we need to know is that your product can help us take care of business at a good price point. If your paper is even just a bit better than the recycled, accordion-folded sandpaper found in our schools growing up, then you’ve got us as loyal customers. Call it a day, Marketing Department and go home.

You couldn’t leave it at that, though. Next you introduced us to the Bear Family. I thought it strange that bears were chosen to sell toilet paper, but carried on, I’m not a marketing expert.

But then you went too far. 

I don’t want to think about random bits of toilet paper left on anyone’s (bear or human) behind. And now we’re discussingt if we like going to the bathroom? THE BEARS ARE TEXTING FROM THE TOILET.

Oh, Charmin, what have you done?

Where is your blue liquid?

What happened to quilted softness?

Who took over for Mr. Whipple?

Are we savages just squeezing toilet paper at will?

How did you get “skid marks” past the censors?

Do you even use a test group before you launch these campaigns?

Do you owe money to bears?

Please, Charmin, I’m begging you. Stop it. Or at the very least, bring back Mr. Whipple.

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Author: Jan Moyer

Embracing my inner child since 2005.

13 thoughts on “Charmin: Stop it.”

  1. But in the video, they point out there’s 3 different kinds. How will I know what to use unless I have a very specific flowchart from the bears? What if the family has different preferences? Does Charmin intend to market a triple-roll holder so that you can choose what’s best at that moment in time?

      1. You used to be able to get colored roses on the toilet paper. That made for a classy bathroom, you would get it to match your cushioned seat. And no one talked about skid marks. It was a glorious time.

  2. I’m with you on this one for sure! Those bears have creeped me out since their first commercial. It’s just gross! I don’t care that they’re bears and not real people – they talk! That’s close enough! It’s gross and creepy and disgusting and gross!

    Other than that, I have no opinion on the matter.

  3. Nicknaming a kid Skidz is embarrassing whoever wrote this line has no clue what bullying in school amounts to with one phrase like this. Once one kid hears it they all join in and repetitive teasing lasts forever..Get a clue on life

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