Generally speaking, I’m a pretty cautious boy. Sure, I’ve ridden in a laundry basket a tad too close to the stairs, but who hasn’t? I have fallen out of the tub, but I was young and didn’t know better. Doesn’t everyone run around a pool? It’s far too tempting.
I have done my share of jumping on the bed and to her credit, my mom has told me repeatedly to stop it. Usually she references the kid across the street who broke his arm jumping on his bed (dummy). But it is so springy. And I have some pretty great dance moves that just cry out for a mattress to showcase them.
Ok, I’ll admit that naked wrestling with my brothers showed a lack of good judgement. Ditto on naked couch hopping. But I stand behind my invention of underwear bedroom hurdles. It’s amazing.
In hindsight, I’m relieved that Mom shut down some of my riskier activities. She was probably right that box-tobogganing down the stairs was dangerous. Putting a lanyard around my brother’s neck as a dog leash did restrict his breathing so, good call, Mom.
For all her warnings and worrying, you’d think she would have foreseen the real safety hazard in our house. It’s been sitting in our cupboard for years – and she’s the one who brought that menace into our home.
I’m not talking about matches, sharp knives, or scissors. I’ve never done anything questionable with those. No, the real instrument of pain was lurking in the sewing basket all along. It beckoned me with it’s tempting blue switch and curved exterior. I admit that part of my motivation was to make the brothers laugh, but you never know the purpose of a new tool unless you test it out, right? Who WOULDN’T think it was meant for your underarm?
There was pain, skin was broken, blood appeared. And then I heard Mom say, “Next time, check with me before you use the clothes shaver on your armpit.” Too little, too late, Mom.
I blame myself. I blame the manufacturer. Mostly I blame my mom.
7 thoughts on “Insideous”
Clearly there isn’t any stifling of creativity at your house!! Hilarious post and what an inventive use for the clothes shaver. Never a dull moment with your active, energetic and creatives boys!!!
You know it! Now, trying to hide the curling iron and my old hot rollers – don’t want any more “incidents”.
Yowch! And the naked couch-hopping, oh, the naked couch-hopping!
1)Prior to reading this post, I had no idea what a clothes shaver was. Or that it even existed. This blog is EDUCATIONAL. Which makes sense since you’re a teacher and all.
2)I have fond memories of box tobogganing down the stairs when I was a kid. I grew up in an old farmhouse, so the staircase was nice and steep. I’ll try to get a picture of the evidence of that activity.
I’d love to see photo evidence, but will keep that from the boys. They do not need your endorsement. Clothes shavers are dangerous enough.
You can hardly blame the guy. I mean, I look at that and all I see is “underarm tool.”
I should have known – I see that now. Off to hide the spatulas – who knows what havoc those could wreak?